Understanding conflict

Wednesday February 16, 2011- I am really excited about a new class that my wonderful wife and I have the opportunity to host on Tuesday nights. It's called "Boundaries in Marriage" with Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It is so insightful and just seeing how many families are interested in improving to impact others(dude, that's what it's about). Anyway, one of the things common in relationships is conflict. Not only in marriage but in every walk of life. Conflict must be dealt with in a healthy manner to ever grow through conflict. This isn't part of the curriculum but while studying today I ran across something really cool.
Everything behaves according to it's nature... That's not to say that we are all troublemakers, but it does speak to where conflict arises from. Check this out.
Anytime you have disappointment, it’s from having false expectations for something to produce something it was not designed to produce. In fact, you will find that any time there is conflict in a relationship, you’ll discover that the conflict is simply the gap between expectations and reality. Here’s a visual that I hope will help and stick with you, the next time you find yourself in conflict:

EXPECTATION—————- > CONFLICT <————————–REALITY

Finding yourself in conflict in a personal relationship, or in a relationship with someone you lead, or who leads you? Step back from the minutia of the conflict, and write down the expectations you went into the current conflict with prior to the conflict arising. Now try to write down the expectations you think the person you’re in conflict with had. Compare them, then compare them to the current reality, and each other’s reality. You might gain a better understanding of their perspective, and of your emotions. Remember: “In all thy getting…get understanding.”